The Man List

I know some people who subscribe fully to the "post-it" life philosophy. I'm sure you know some too. They have a hundred reminders on their phones, notes stuck onto the monitors of their computers, and a list on every single scrap  piece of paper. To do: 1) Morning Jog
                                                                2)Make grocery list
                                                                3) shop for groceries
                                                                4)make tomorrow's list

Whilst watching Dr. Phil one day(don't judge me, I know you've done it too, I came across a woman  who claimed to be unable to find love because of her list. Her list consisted of very strict, inflexible things she required(demanded?)  from a potential lover. Everything from his height and complexion, down to the car he drove and how much he earned. It seemed no man was good enough to check all the boxes. This got me thinking. Do we all have a list that we consciously or sub-consciously run through every time we meet someone new? Perhaps we even use it to measure our current partners against. So Bhee and I decided to compose our own list, just to see how it would look.

Potentials and hopefuls take note:

1) He must write, and not 'Mother-Africa, dust and soil' bullshit, I want real poetry.From the heart as opposed to the mind. He must write well, because I even though I might be able to fake an orgasm, I don't know if I pretend to enjoy a really sucky poem.

2) He must write about me. Think pages and pages filling a tattered A5 notebook. Well, I want that. I want him to be so overwhelmed with how much he loves that he's compelled to write. Like a possession of sorts. I want to be his muse.

3)I want him to inspire poetry in me. I want his eyes, and lips to be lyrical. I want the sex to be explosive. I want him to smell like love.

4)I want him to look good. Because I deserve a good looking guy.Because I spend countless hours in the gym, and have All Bran for breakfast and fruit salad deserts. Because I spend thousands on clothes and shoes.Because I put a lot of effort into looking good. He needs to appreciate it. He needs to look good too.

5) He must be a MAN. Note the Caps Lock. That's the kind of man he must be. Broad shoulders that can carry the world. Strong hands that can carry me. Muscles like twine(I'm flexible on this). Traditional, head-of-house, final say kind of man. He must be sensitive, but strong. Able to feel emotion, but not always compelled to act on emotion.

6) A lot of sex. Seriously, all the time, anywhere, anyhow kind of sex. Curious and experimental sex. Rough sex. Caveman sex. Drag me by my hair to your lair sex.

7)He must spoil me. Not necessarily with money and gifts. All I'm really interested in is time, attention and affection.(Although, a pretty pair of Aldo heels can do no harm) He must give in to Some of tantrums, and let me get away with throwing my toys out the cot, not because he has to,just because he can.
 
8) He must make me laugh, because as cliched as it seems , it really is the easiest way onto my heart...and everywhere else.

9) He mustn't kill me. He must be that crazy in love with me though. Borderline Crime of Passion, but instead wanting me dead, he must love me to death.