Welcome to Alice in Joziland...
A blog about anything from social commentary and current affairs, to gossip and fashion, based in the wonderful city of Johannesburg.
As many of you know(hopefully), 2010 marks just a little more than the advent of the first african FIFA World Cup, it also (surprise!) the beginning of a new decade.
2009(may its soul rest in piece)brought about many strange and fabulous things . Think Julius Malema, those terrible metallic leggings and america's first black president.
We all brought in the New Year in our own different ways, but whatever Joziland party you were at , your sure to have bumped into one or all these characters.
THE 'SMART' GUY
You're surprised to see him out but he's still dressed in the jeans and military green jacket you saw him yesterday. He has an unnecessarily big slingbag on him, that contains one of the books he's currently reading to prove to people how smart he is. If you stand close enough, you'll hear him telling people how he doesnt go out often(evident in his dress sense) and that he'd rather be at home reading a book...well, lucky for us,he brought the book out with him.
THE ONION
Called this because she's always, i mean always, crying . Generally found holding up the Bathroom cue , crying about how nobody likes her, her recent ex-boyfriend, the girl whose wearing the same dress as her etc. The best way to deal with her is to avoid all eye-contact. Resist the urge to offer her a tissue or buy her a drink or you'll spend the rest of your night listening to her sob stories and wiping tears stains off your dress.
The Video Vixen
The Video Vixen(as she is more politely known) also goes by the names of DJ groupie or Studio Whore. She wears more make-up and perfume than an entire brothel on Oxford road, and makes frequent appearances in groups like Jhb's most notorious ho's. If she not dancing on a table in VIP , she grinding on a man at the edge of the DJ booth. You will always find a pack of condoms, a make-up kit and a bottle of baby oil in her bag to keep her looking Video Fresh through-out the night.
THE POCKETBOOKERS
You wonder how he has any friends because he's a complete asshole, but every weekend without fail, he rolls into the party at least seven deep. He throws parties often and if your not deemed to be within his financial range, then ur generally not invited. You can however worm your way into his pocket by sucking up, laughing at his lies and being a general ass-kisser. Careful though, as soon as he finds some who kisses more ass or spends as much money, you're out of there.
THE ALMOST FAMOUS
We all know this guy, whether we want to or not. He innundates your facebook page with little tidbits of whats happening in his life and all the activities he's involved in. He has a finger in everypie. He's a photographer, director, producer, web developer, graphic designer, event planner and all round rash. He'll stick to whatever gains him fame (or notoriety-cant be too picky) first.
Did i leave anyone out??Leave a comment and let me know.
Love Alice
